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i’m feeling very insecure

Since it’s the hip thing to complain about over-zealous security, I’m going to be hip. Or at least faux-hip.

Working here over a month, I’ve experienced one instance of security gone awry and have witnessed one additional example.

My instance was, while going through the metal detectors, I had reached my hand into my pocket to get out my building dippdy-do card that opens up the elevator security doors. I was told I would have to re-go-through the metal detector without my hand in my pocket.

I asked why, and was told that my hand might have been covering up something in my pocket.

I just went and did it, it wasn’t worth complaining about, but I couldn’t help thinking that if I were a terrorist I wouldn’t hesitate to chop off some guy’s hands and put them in my pocket if that means I can bomb a building.

This appears to be a severe security issue.

The one I witnessed was a bit more whimsical. A woman walked through the metal detector with a HUGE thing of flowers. She didn’t beep so she started walking toward the elevator when security stopped her, and pointed her over to another guard.

She walked over to the other guard who was eying her suspiciously. “Terrorists like flowers,” you could clearly tell he was thinking. “And this lady has quite a few flowers.” Suddenly the gears clicked and he realized this woman could quite possibly be a terrorist. She had flowers, after all.

So he grabs the flowers from her. The woman looks saddened that her flowers have been absconded.

The security man is still quite suspicious of this lady and never, during this entire affair, never does he break eye contact with her.

His head dips down, lower and lower towards the flowers. He shoves his nose in them, inhales deeply, smelling the fragrance of whatever flowers they were.

“They’re clean,” he shouts, and hands them back.

(End note: The plural of faux is fauces)

Published inTrue Stories

One Comment

  1. ATerriost ATerriost

    as I terriost I can tell you that i do indeed like flowers

    but not sun flowers for every sun flower i find … I will kill you

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