eviljim.com: the mac days

I don’t think I actually have anything to say. But here I am, anyway.

Drinking tea and blogging. Yep.

OK I give up. Just read that thing about the razor. That’s my manifesto.

Futurama is returning! Huzzah!

I feel that I am rather impervious to marketing (excluding infomercials on household goods. I want every one of those ever advertised). However, when a new 5 blade razor was released onto the market, plus it was orange, I knew it was my destiny to one day own and use one.

Look at that! I want that cutting small, painful holes into my face. The only problem is just before hearing about this miracle of modern science I happened to purchase a large number of blades for my current razor from Costco. I’m not sure about the exact amount, but let’s say it’s roughly a billion or so. I just remember, at Costco, determining they’d last me about 2 years.

2 years. 2 years of inferior shaving technology!

I went through a few bouts of depression over my razor misfortune. For a while I simply refused to shave. A manager at work mentioned something about looking like I had just gotten off Survivor. My broken heart was echoed through my unshorn face. I was a miserable pittance of a man.

Then one day I was browsing around on the internet and saw an offer for a free next-generation razor. I thought I read that it was the above orange beauty — I figured, destiny fulfilled thanks to the wonder of free crap on the internet (not that it’s really that free — replacement blades are expensive, obviously). I filled out the form and waited, anxiously. 4-6 weeks and my razor, my free, Gillette Fusion razor, would be gracing my flesh.

Fast forward to a few days ago. I get a razor-sized box in the mail. Glee! It has arrived. But something is wrong. I am not quite sure which razor it is I love and am soul-mates with, but I do remember at this point two things: it’s orange, and it has five blades. FIVE BLADES.

The razor I hold in my hand is called the “quattro.” Knowing a bit about Spanish, and having also learned about about the word while looking at Audis, I knew something was clearly wrong. Quattro means four. Why would they sell a five bladed razor, and call it four? Why undersell the razor?

At this point I think about it and decide it’s one of two things:

1) They are underselling their razor, calling it quattor, because they are stupid, or because it really only works like a 4-blade razor
2) I remember them saying something about 5 blades, and one blade being on the back to accidentally cut you if you weren’t careful (or for trimming sideburns or something)… maybe only 4 blades are on the front, hence, Quattro
3) I am not about to enjoy the revolutionary shaving experience I thought I was in store for. (or rather, for which I thought I was in store)

I opened the package and looked within, and saw this:

This is not orange. This is not five blade technology. This is like from 2001. If not earlier. This is, as the Romans would say, bull.

I didn’t cry. I know that much. They stole my spirit, but they never saw me cry.

So I still don’t have a Gillette Fusion razor. All I can do is wish, one day, I will have one. And sit and think about why in the world razor marketing has affected me so greatly.

I got a new phone. As such, I have added yet ANOTHER side bar thingie where it will show the pictures from my phone. And then you can look at them. Huzzah for technology!

Aside from that, I mostly posted because I really like this quote, and I am very excited for the day I’ll get to use it.

“I think you’re the opposite of paranoid. I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.”

It’s waiting, on the top of my head, for someone to proclaim they are paranoid. I am looking forward to the future, if only for this and flying cars.

Here are the latest events in my life:

- I am being moved into an office, from my former cube.
- Aliens have abducted a developer on my team and replaced him with a guy who actually wants to fix bugs
- Ghosts exist and are present in the building I work in. They make that generic ghost “ooooOOOoooo” sound.
- There is a cat that lives in the vents of the floor I work on. It may or may not be a ghost cat (see above).

A couple weekends ago I met up with a few people in Seattle. Heading home I figured if I pointed myself toward the highway, I’d figure out how to get on it.

I was wrong.

I wasn’t too worried, I figured it’d be pretty easy to figure out. That is, until I happened to turn down Boren Avenue. At that point I felt true despair.

I think I got home two hours later.

Instead of having to actually write things here, I’ve decided it is much simpler to just add my netflix queue to the right of the page. Enjoy. Feel free to make fun of my choices.

I was picking up some Arby’s and the lady, when she took my money, called me “Sir.”

This struck me as odd because why would they assume that I’m a knight? I mean, it seems much more likely someone eating at Arby’s would… just be some hungry dude. I doubt Bill Gates picks up Arby’s very often. Even if he likes Arby’s, he probably has someone to do that for him. Like most knights. Then again if like Elton John pulled through and they didn’t call him sir, he might get mad.

Yeah.